I Think I'll Have the Salad Today...

Since the book tour is only three weeks away, John has started a new diet. I was going to join him, but then I had the following revelations:

1) At its core, humor is about being honest.
2) You guys probably expect me to be both funny and honest in person.
3) Losing weight would make me someone I'm not (ie a person who loses weight), and therefore is intrinsically DIShonest.
4) Oooh, cupcakes!

Anyhoo, so while I'm not on a diet myself, I still want to support John any way I can. Some people might try cooking him a healthy meal, or inviting him for walks. Me? I find gross cakes to help kill his appetite.

Ta Da!

I bet you're feeling thinner already, aren't you? And if not, you may find this next one "erupting" with diet inspiration:

Mmm. That's the stuff.

John's diet requires him to cut down on carbs, so I know he's going to love Barbie's meat blanket here:

Now, I realize this may have ruined pepperoni and moldy raw roast beef for most of you, but trust me: You'll thank me later.

And speaking of low-carb diets, I hear you also see a lot of these when you're on them:

Or is that only if you cheat and eat a bunch of raisins? Hm...

What's that? You want one last word of diet inspiration? Okey doke. Here goes:

[swinging pocket watch] "You are feeling sleepy. Veerrry sleepy. Now, you will never crave skinned leopard - or cake - ever agaiiin."

Madison C. & Chris V., Emily H., Meredith, Stephanie M., and Anony M., maybe there IS something to this Cake Wrecks diet plan. I totally passed up a cupcake for a candy bar just now.

- Related Wreckage: Better Dieting Through Cake